A guide on how to be happy. The art of happiness.
Ask yourself “What do you want in life?”
Chances are you’ll say things like money, power, fame, being with friends and family.
Those things would all be nice…
…but what about, simply, “To be happy.”
According to the OECD, in 2013 The United States is ranked sixth on the list of happiest countries in the world.
Now, sixth really isn’t that bad considering there are 196 countries in the world.
But, why isn’t The United States higher on the list? We are the richest country in the world.
Surprisingly (not really), money doesn’t have all that much to do with happiness at all.
Turns out there are a ton of different factors that go into our happiness.
And we’ll get a little more into that a bit later on.
Now, I don’t like the fact that some people aren’t happy. You only get one life to live, so why not make it the best?
So, my goal is to help you become a happier person.
Time to learn how you can turn that frown up-side down.
“The U. S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.” — Benjamin Franklin
Here’s the deal…
It’s not like once you read and consume this information you will immediately become happier.
You actually have to change your lifestyle and implement the tips I give you in here to see results.
But I’m sure you knew that already.
Why aren’t people happy?
If you’re someone who doesn’t care why people aren’t happy and are just like, “Show me how to be happy now!” then you can skip this part. But if you like to know science then read this section because it’s quite interesting, in my opinion.
I think the biggest reason people aren’t happy is because they have the wrong idea of what happiness is.
These people pursue things that they think will make them happy, but in reality don’t. We chase bigger houses, better cars, more money, but studies show time and time again that we don’t actually need these things to be happy.
People have simpler needs than they think. Besides your basic needs, all you really need is to find meaning in your work, and at least one personal relationship. Most people don’t realize this and believe they need to be chasing more when the opposite is true.
Another big reason is that people aren’t rational when it comes to happiness. For example, say you get two different job offers:
- One job pays $50,000 per year, and is something you love to do.
- One job pays $75,000 per year, but is something you hate to do.
Most people would have a hard time declining the bottom job offer, even though the top job offer is something they would enjoy doing. The top job offer would make someone far happier, even though the bottom job offers more money.
There’s a huge difference in how much we say happiness means to us and how much it actually does. In other words we want to become happier, but are working against ourselves because we don’t do anything about it. We somehow magically assume if we go about our normal lives we will become happier.
Why do you need to be happy?
Besides the awesome feeling of being happy, there are a few other reasons to keep a smile on your face.
First off, happy people tend to be a lot more generous. This is an awesome benefit because it not only helps you become happier, but also helps others around you become happy.
The second benefit is emotional contagion. Research shows that people tend to mirror other people’s emotions. Hang out with someone who is negative all the time and you will slowly become negative as well. The same goes for people that are happy. Others will actually start becoming happier around you.
Another reason I want you to become happy is because happy people respond well to adversity. Like if you accidentally pound your thumb with a hammer while building a house. Now a happy person would still respond negativity to hitting their thumb, but the effects wouldn’t last as long. They get over negativity faster than someone who is less happy.
The last reason I’ll share with you is that happy people are more productive and less needy. This means you will work harder and do a better job. Happy people are also less likely to become sick.
So, as you can see happiness is not a selfish emotion. It not only benefits us, but benefits everyone around us. Happiness is a powerful emotion.
Now let’s see what we can do to become a little bit happier.
Changes you need to make in your life to be happy
Tim Kasser, Professor of Psychology at Knox College, has done various studies that constantly show a direct relationship between aspirations and happiness.
There are two main types of aspirations: Extrinsic and intrinsic.
Extrinsic — has to do with something external. This could be anything from rewards to praise and depends mostly on reactions of others. Included are things such as money, image, and status.
Intrinsic — are focused on something internal. This has to do with natural growth and mostly satisfies our psychological needs. Included are things such as personal growth, relationships, and the desire to help.
Kesser’s results show that the intrinsic aspiration leads us to be far happier, while the extrinsic aspiration results in a lower well-being.
And he isn’t the only one who found this out. There have been several controlled studies by many psychologists, such as Randy P. Auerbach of Harvard Medical School, which produced the same results.
This makes sense to you if you read everything above this.
This means to be truly happy you need to focus more on intrinsic goals rather than extrinsic goals.
How to convert yourself from extrinsic goals to intrinsic goals
We are not completely aware of our aspirations, but by becoming conscious of them we can change them.
Our goal here is to shift from our extrinsic thinking to intrinsic thinking.
Extrinsic goals and why they don’t make you happy
Extrinsic aspirations are something you want to step back from and really take a look at.
They require approval from other people and almost always end up in creating more stress than happiness.
However there is a way to handle them and keep yourself happy.
So below I break down each of the three major aspirations and show you how you turn them from negative to positive.
Money
“Anybody who says money doesn’t buy happiness should go talk to somebody living under a bridge, but anybody who says money buys happiness should go talk to Bill Gates.” — Daniel Gilbert, Ph. D.
We all know that money does not make us happier. You know this on a conscious level. However, our more powerful unconscious makes us think differently. We are completely influenced by our culture and brainwashed into thinking that we need things like money and cars to be happy.
According to a scene in the movie Happy, our happiness has been steady over the past 60 years even though our income has risen significantly. With this increase in income comes bigger houses and nicer cars.
Now don’t get me wrong, money does affect happiness, but it only accounts for 12 percent of our overall happiness.
When money buys your next meal, or gets you out of homelessness it affects your happiness significantly. This is because your basic needs are met. But studies show that once this happens money doesn’t really make people any happier.
The difference in happiness of someone who makes $5,000 a year compared to someone who makes $50,000 per year is very high. However, the difference in happiness between someone who makes $50,000 and someone who makes $50,000,000 is very low. This is known as the hedonic treadmill.
According to the hedonic treadmill we adapt to whatever level of wealth we are at. Thus we always feel like we need more money, more clothes, more material goods. You never actually become happy because you are always chasing new things.
Hedonic adaptation is the enemy of happiness.
Image
“Tryna get girls from a brand? Man you hella won’t.” — Macklemore
Does how we look really make us happier? Research says that it does not.
We are constantly exposed to the newest clothes, gadgets, and cars through the mainstream media.
Watch. Turn on the TV for a few minutes. I just did. First thing I saw was a commercial for the new 2021 Kia Optima. What did you see? Odds are it was an ad for some kind of new product that you “must have”.
The media makes us believe that we won’t fit in without the latest stuff or nicer clothes. And sure when we get something nice, say a nice pair of sneakers, we are happy. But what happens after a few weeks? They get a little dirty and they are just regular old sneakers to you now.
(I know this happens because I used to save up for the best pair of Nikes and try to keep them clean for as long as possible. Once they got dirty they were just as good as my old crappy sneakers and I’d feel like I needed a new pair.)
This goes back to the hedonic treadmill. We adapt to what we have, never getting rid of the “we want more, we want more!” feeling. I got my sneakers dirty and scuffed up and that made me feel like they were worthless when in reality they were perfectly fine sneakers, just a little messy. But did that stop me from dropping $150 on a new pair a few months later? Nope.
And that’s because I felt like I wouldn’t be as “cool” in the eyes of the other kids. What a moron I used to be.
Now I buy stuff that I like. I basically purchase only from only two or three different clothing brands and I’m satisfied with that. I like my $60 Sanuk’s better than any $150 pair of Nikes I’ve ever ever owned (and that’s a lot of pairs.) I like my Arbor t-shirts and I would never trade them for some $50-$60 t-shirt.
I’ve become happier with buying from brands that I like. It makes me happy to support them, especially when they are a little known as Arbor and Sanuk. More importantly it makes me happy to wear what I want no matter how I look in the eyes of other people.
Just listen to the song “Thrift Shop”. He explains that no one really cares what you wear or how much it costs you. I salute you Macklemore.
Status
“Have you ever lit up a bong at a party? Were you worried that one of your friends would snap a photo of you, sell it to a tabloid for thousands of dollars and ruin your career? Well become famous, and then try it.” — Jane Jones/David Wong of Cracked
According to a survey done by Pew Research Center 51% of 18–25 year olds said getting famous was the most or second most important life goal.
Crazy, right? Well, not really, because there is this perception that anyone can get famous. Look at all the reality TV shows or crazy things that go viral on YouTube. You can become famous by doing almost nothing.
Turns out fame is exactly like money and status. You want it, but as soon as you get there you are no happier.
If you have ever seen the documentary I Am, you know that Tom Shadyac, (who directed movies such as Ace Ventura, The Nutty Professor, and Bruce Almighty) shared his experience with fame and wealth. He tells how he felt empty and disconnected as a result. He shares that humans need social connection to feel fulfilled. Most importantly he felt that as his fame grew he became more unhappy.
Why?
When you become more well-known there are two different “you’s”. The “public you” and the “private you” and oftentimes they are very different people. You wouldn’t treat the public like you would your best friend, right? Could you trust a million people like you could your closest friends? Probably not.
Soon you become dependent on people liking you. It’s hard to keep up the image to keep others happy, but it has to be done or people may not like you. If people don’t like you your career is ruined and you’ll be right back where you started. A nobody.
If famous people are so happy, why are they always running from the paparazzi?
Being your authentic self will keep you happy, even if it brings on fame. Then you deal with the fame, but your two “you’s” will be one “you”. And if people don’t like it, it won’t matter because fame wasn’t your ultimate goal.
So…
…We learned about extrinsic goals and why they don’t really make us happy.
And, we learned how to deal with these goals and the stresses they bring us.
We’re one step closer to happiness — following our intrinsic goals.
Intrinsic goals: The REAL key to the pursuit of being happy
Intrinsic aspirations are what you need to work on if you plan on becoming happier.
After reading and thinking about your extrinsic aspirations you are ready to learn how you can apply your intrinsic aspirations to your life and increase your happiness.
Personal Growth
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat. “I don’t much care where –” said Alice. “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
Let’s start off with “What is personal growth?”
Simply, it’s self-improvement by taking part in activities that improve your self- awareness and individual identity, develop talents, and improve your quality of life.
For example, playing the guitar if you like music, or becoming a fashion major if you are into clothing and style.
Personal growth involves finding yourself. It may not be easy, but I’ll throw in some tips on how to start.
The first thing you want to do is write down all the major goals you’ve achieved and want to achieve. Then write down all the major events of your past. Next try to find the beauty in these events whether they were good or bad. Finally, realize that you would not be where or who you are without your past.
Learn to rely on yourself. You need a sense of self-worth or you’ll listen to what others say and be swayed by what they think is right or wrong. Believing in yourself and trusting your own feelings is key. Take responsibly for yourself and your life. Know that everyone makes mistakes and by making mistakes you learn and grow.
Ask yourself these difficult questions and answer them honestly.
- If I didn’t need money, what would I be doing with my life?
- What would I look back at and say I never regretted?
- What are three would that I would use to describe the person I want to be?
- Who am I?
Make sure you write the above questions down so you can look at them whenever you need to.
Take powerful action! Start taking action on your goals. Whatever you wrote down about what you wanted to do or who you wanted to be, now is the time to start. Don’t use excuses like, “no money” or “no time”. Start planning today.
Relationships
“Relationships help people feel that they’re worthy, that they are capable, that they can set goals and accomplish them, and that they can control their life.” — Toni Antonucci, University of Michigan
Could social relationships be one of the biggest factors in our happiness? Yes it could.
There are two main reasons:
One comes from an evolutionary perspective. And that is because strong relationships and cooperation helped us survive. And when we don’t have to worry about survival as much we can focus on other things such as personal growth and identity.
Loved ones are people who we can rely on and who support us. A close friend is someone who you can confide in, someone who will listen to you, pay attention to you, and help you through times. And you will do the same for this person.
Research shows that we are much happier when we know that we can call someone at 3 a.m. and they will be there for us.
The second reason is because relationships are unpredictable and spontaneous. Psychologists have found that happiness is in spontaneity.
Remember the hedonic treadmill?
Well, research has shown that relationships are immune to the hedonic treadmill. We continue to want to the love and affection of other people even after we have it. This is because people are the best source of the unknown. There’s no way to adapt to it!
Oliver Burkman, the author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking, shows that couples who are the happiest pursue unfamiliar activities together.
The biggest unfamiliar activity: parenthood. Of course, what’s more predictable than a child?
Desire to Help
“No one has ever become poor by giving.” — Anne Frank
Let’s start by taking a look at people in the workplace since that will resonate with most
of you.
In a study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison people who are unselfish at work have been found to help employees, be more committed at their job, and be less likely to quit. They have also been found to be happier.
People may argue that these people are only helping to improve how others see us.
That could be the reason, but whether they are actually helping others just because or doing it to improve their self-image the research shows the same result. They are happier.
Now let’s take a look at people who volunteer.
A study by the National Volunteering Network said that out of more than 500 volunteers 98 percent of them said volunteering makes them a happier person.
And why not? Volunteering has a bunch of benefits:
Volunteering helps with depression and is great for your mental health. It’s also a great stress reliever.
Volunteering helps you meet new people. And what happens when we have relationships with people? That’s right. We’re happier.
Volunteering helps you make a positive change. You help your community become a better place, even if you’re only doing something small to help.
And that’s just scratching the surface of volunteering.
Here’s the best part about helping others.
Not only does it make us happier, it also makes the people we help happier!
“By creating chains of events that carry positive meaning for others, positive emotions can trigger upward spirals that transform communities into more cohesive, moral and harmonious social organizations.” Says Dr. Barbara Fredrickson of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
The power of helping others is huge! Spread the happiness.
What do you do now?
Now I want you to take action on your newly found knowledge.
Once you become consciously aware of your extrinsic and intrinsic aspirations it’s much easy to take action and become happier.
If you know someone who could use this information and apply it to their life, please take the time to share it with them. It might help!
This comes from psychologyborn.com.
